Sunday, August 15, 2004
Graceful 2x4's
i love my best friend lacy fox!!! camp sucked without her...(ok here's theresa)
So I already wrote this once...but I’m stupid and lost it. *sigh*
It's weird how when you think God's not talking to you...He really is. That was my problem two years ago at Camp...I was discouraged because I never heard God speaking to me.
Now I know I just wasn't paying attention.
I used to think that God spoke with a lightening bolt and the voice in my head was actually going to be deep and so much different from my own...It isn't. It's obvious now that God speaks through the wind and the things you see and the people that are supposed to lead you through your walk with God.
Camp was amazing. I absolutely amazing. Through the early morning showers, the gross bathrooms, the dusty roads, hot temps and paper thin mattresses, I not only learned things I never knew, but experienced God.
Also, I found that the all too common Sunday school answers is something you can learn over and over again. For me it was the all known, we don't deserve God's love because we are UNWORTHY. That seems to be obvious enough, but the fact is, this concept isn't something to be memorized and then recited later, but something to live. That because we aren't worthy, that means even the people you hate and can't stand aren't worthy, therefore you are both loved and both on level ground to God.
The one thing about camp that wasn't amazing was how I acted. That people who tried to tell me how they felt and what their opinions on how my Christian walk was going...I shrugged it off and disagreed with them. What they said was totally uplifting and should've made me feel great...and good about how my walk with God was going... but I'm afraid I might've offended them and made them think otherwise of me. I just felt so discouraged about what I was doing. The one thing that should be easy for me, isn’t. Praying for my unsaved father. And for me I see that as a weakness, so I thought God did/does too. If I can’t even pray for my own father, how am I supposed to pray for anyone else?
But today in church Jeremy Gange talked about Elijah and how he wasn’t perfect, and a lot of things in that sermon reminded me of what people told me at camp…About me and my walk…
So I’m sorry in other words to the people I might’ve offened and I’m sorry if I let you down, because I always appreciated the fact that you believed in the people in the youth group and the youth group in general. I just thought, maybe you saw something in me that was too big…and that wasn’t happening yet…and that I might have to live up to.
But I have a strong feeling this is what God’s trying to tell me, and He’s doing it with the people who lead me spiritually and through the people who I look up to. And maybe a 2x4.
So I already wrote this once...but I’m stupid and lost it. *sigh*
It's weird how when you think God's not talking to you...He really is. That was my problem two years ago at Camp...I was discouraged because I never heard God speaking to me.
Now I know I just wasn't paying attention.
I used to think that God spoke with a lightening bolt and the voice in my head was actually going to be deep and so much different from my own...It isn't. It's obvious now that God speaks through the wind and the things you see and the people that are supposed to lead you through your walk with God.
Camp was amazing. I absolutely amazing. Through the early morning showers, the gross bathrooms, the dusty roads, hot temps and paper thin mattresses, I not only learned things I never knew, but experienced God.
Also, I found that the all too common Sunday school answers is something you can learn over and over again. For me it was the all known, we don't deserve God's love because we are UNWORTHY. That seems to be obvious enough, but the fact is, this concept isn't something to be memorized and then recited later, but something to live. That because we aren't worthy, that means even the people you hate and can't stand aren't worthy, therefore you are both loved and both on level ground to God.
The one thing about camp that wasn't amazing was how I acted. That people who tried to tell me how they felt and what their opinions on how my Christian walk was going...I shrugged it off and disagreed with them. What they said was totally uplifting and should've made me feel great...and good about how my walk with God was going... but I'm afraid I might've offended them and made them think otherwise of me. I just felt so discouraged about what I was doing. The one thing that should be easy for me, isn’t. Praying for my unsaved father. And for me I see that as a weakness, so I thought God did/does too. If I can’t even pray for my own father, how am I supposed to pray for anyone else?
But today in church Jeremy Gange talked about Elijah and how he wasn’t perfect, and a lot of things in that sermon reminded me of what people told me at camp…About me and my walk…
So I’m sorry in other words to the people I might’ve offened and I’m sorry if I let you down, because I always appreciated the fact that you believed in the people in the youth group and the youth group in general. I just thought, maybe you saw something in me that was too big…and that wasn’t happening yet…and that I might have to live up to.
But I have a strong feeling this is what God’s trying to tell me, and He’s doing it with the people who lead me spiritually and through the people who I look up to. And maybe a 2x4.
